i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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