she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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