Your dad touched me again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
