Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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