Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
