you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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