fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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