i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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