brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
