maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
