I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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