I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
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if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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