How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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