Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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