so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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