i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
God, I missed his penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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