Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
