Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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