"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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