two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
