Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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