he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
