hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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