You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
