Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
being pregnant is like rehab
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
