I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
