THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize