As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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