So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
