This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
