We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
