whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
