ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
