bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
