i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
