I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
