conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
