I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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