how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
