it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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