You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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