i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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