I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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