i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
