I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
