There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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