he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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