if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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