There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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