I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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