It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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