So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
