so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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