I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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