How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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