i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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