no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
