This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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