the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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