wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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