Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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