I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
