Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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