I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
