I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
