She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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