As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
