i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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