I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
