I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
