smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
