Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
